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+--- Thread: Defining the Isms... (/thread-10474.html)
Defining the Isms... - David Guyatt - 31-03-2013
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive…
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive…
Defining the Isms... - Greg Burnham - 31-03-2013
SOCIALISM
You had 2 cows before the state redistributed them between you (who had originally delivered them from their mother
and subsequently fed them for years) and those who had no previous experience with cows. Your cow (#1) lived, the
other cow (#2) died for lack of care. Then the state required you to share your milk with those who neglected cow #2
to death.
Defining the Isms... - Danny Jarman - 31-03-2013
Greg Burnham Wrote:SOCIALISM
You had 2 cows before the state redistributed them between you (who had originally delivered them from their mother
and subsequently fed them for years) and those who had no previous experience with cows. Your cow (#1) lived, the
other cow (#2) died for lack of care. Then the state required you to share your milk with those who neglected cow #2
to death.
![[Image: StarTrekFacePalm.gif]](http://thedailygrind.robdamanii.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/StarTrekFacePalm.gif)
Defining the Isms... - Phil Dragoo - 31-03-2013
DPRK COWMUNISM:
You starved your cow to death.
You drape it with a selection of sewer pipe and waste cans.
Parade it on eight-axled haulers detailed with one hundred liters of Armorall.
You will get back at those who mocked your stature and girth with a sea of fire.
Especially Austin, Texas and that brazen harem of the capitalist pigs, The Dixie Chicks.
Defining the Isms... - Dawn Meredith - 31-03-2013
Nearly pissed myself laughing.
Wish I could think of something clever!! Alas....
Hey you -Phil- "Shut Up and Sing".
Someone post the song. Great ducumentary.
Never read the horrible book, forget, was it that Cockroach Ann Coulter? No another blond right wing wack job....
I need to learn a "Chicks" song....(And not the murderous one, tho it's funny as shit. Love the Dixies.
Can you believe just because they were critical of the war their records were BURNED?????
Dawn
Defining the Isms... - Adele Edisen - 01-04-2013
Hasn't anyone bothered to look up the dictionary definitions of Fascism and Communism?
And, while I'm at this: Capitalism, Monarchy, Socialism, Democracy, Totalitarianism
Pick out which are political systems and which are primarily economic systems.
Then, please memorize these definitions so you won't get confused in the future.
Adele
Defining the Isms... - David Guyatt - 01-04-2013
The list missed Financial Capitalism:
You have two cows.
You sell four of them to a FE firm.
The financial engineering firm leverages them.
You now have a herd of 300 cows.
And also Democracy:
DEMOCRACYYou have two cows.
Both vote electronically, so five votes get counted.
The wrong guy gets elected by three votes,
So he doesn't listen to the two cows.
They go back to chewing the cud as usual.
He bombs Iraq.
Both vote electronically, so five votes get counted.
The wrong guy gets elected by three votes,
So he doesn't listen to the two cows.
They go back to chewing the cud as usual.
He bombs Iraq.