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+--- Thread: Spot the spoof news story - not easy! (/thread-12388.html)
Spot the spoof news story - not easy! - David Guyatt - 05-04-2014
Spot the spoof news story competition!
There are subtle clues embedded in one of the two below newspaper stories that reveal it is pure bullshit.
But which one is it?
The winner of this competition will be awarded an almost all expenses paid week in an unnamed location (not at all far from a US rehab centre somewhere in Germany) reacquainting a real living American Supremely Silly Commander of NATO with actual reality.
Story 1
Putin could invade Ukraine within a week, warns Nato chief
[ATTACH=CONFIG]5854[/ATTACH]
'This is a very large, very capable and very ready force'
HEATHER SAUL The Independent
Wednesday 02 April 2014
The Supreme Allied Commander in Europe and the US Air Force General Philip Breedlove described the situation at the border as " incredibly concerning".
He said Nato had spotted signs of movement by a very small part of the Russian force overnight but there was no indication it was returning to barracks.
"This is a very large, very capable and very ready force" Mr Breedlove told The Wall Street Journal.
The Russian force has aircraft and helicopter support as well as field hospitals and electronic warfare capabilities - "the entire suite that would be required to successfully have an incursion into Ukraine should the decision be made," Mr Breedlove warned.
"We think it is ready to go and we think it could accomplish its objectives in between three and five days if directed to make the actions," he said.
Russia could have several potential objectives, including pushing beyond Crimea to Ukraine's Black Sea port of Odessa or even threatening to connect to Transdniestria, the mainly Russian-speaking, separatist region of Moldova that lies to the west of Ukraine.
"We are going to have to look at how our alliance now is prepared for a different paradigm, a different rule set... We will need to rethink our force posture, our force positioning, our force provisioning, readiness, etc," he added.
On Wednesday, Russia accused Nato of reverting to Cold War language by suspending all practical cooperation with Moscow the day before in protest at its annexation of Crimea from Ukraine.
Nato also ordered military planners to draft measures to strengthen its defences and reassure nervous eastern European countries.
Mr Breedlove said the ministers had asked him to draw up by April 15 a package of measures that would include reinforcements by land, air and sea.
"We will work on air, land and sea 'reassurances' and we will look to position those 'reassurances' across the breadth of our exposure: north, centre, and south," he said.
Story 2
Putin could invade America and Europe within a week, warns Nato chief
[ATTACH=CONFIG]5855[/ATTACH]
'This is a very large, very capable and very inebriated force'
By a staff reporter (in a pub in Germany) for the Daily Incendiary
Saturday, 5th April 2014.
Russia has all the forces it needs to completely overrun, overwhelm and destroy all life in the America and Europe within five days, NATO's top military commander has warned.
The Supreme Allied Commander in Europe and the US Air Force General Philip Breedlover described how the evil empire has re-emerged even stronger than before. It's "incredibly concerning" he told visiting dignitaries from Jack Daniels.
He said NATO had spotted signs of movement in a vodka shop outside of Vladivostok, where Russian forces were "overnighting" prior to doing something else. There "was no indication they would return to barracks", the general said, "although few could even stand up after their military imbibing".
"This is a very large, very capable and very drunk force", Mr. Bleederlover said, sipping another bourbon over rocks.
The Russian force has helicopter support as well as a mobile field hospital specializing in liver complaints and a electronic warfare capabilities", Sir General Blooderlover added with bloodshot eyes.
"We think it ready to go and we think it could accomplish its mission in a matter of days, if directed to make its actions", he mumbled. "Maybe weeks" he added, adding "or even months - possibly years". "It's very concerning" he said, as an aide whispered in his ear refilling his glass as he did so.
We are going to have a look at how our alliance is now prepared for a different paradigm - especially at weekends when our guys are busy in bars and cathouses", said Sir Lord Blusterlover. "We will need to rethink our posture", he said crawling on all fours towards the ice bucket. "Our force provisioning, our force positioning and our force readiness - especially the provisioning" he whispered looking longingly at the empty bourbon bottle.
On Wednesday, Russia accused Nato of reverting to Cold War drinking by suspending all practical cooperation with Moscow the day before in protest at its annexation of vodka outlets i n Crimea, Ukraine.
Nato also ordered military planners to draft full measures of whiskey to strengthen its force reaction teams and to reassure other nervous eastern European drinkers.
Mr. Lord Sir Bishop General Bleedingdove said that bar owners had asked him to draw up by April 15, a package of full whiskey measures that would include reinforcements of bourbon and Jack by land, air and sea - and by all other available means - including spinning helichoppers, mobile field detox forces and an electronic light and music show.
"We will work on air, land and sea 'reassurances' and we will look to position those medical alcohol 'reassurances' across the breadth of our exposure: north, centre, and south, west, up, down, across every which way but sober" he said.
Spot the spoof news story - not easy! - Dawn Meredith - 06-04-2014
Assholes at the UN trying to incite the always gullible mainstream media.
Ignore. Putin knows better. Oh I just remembered this is in the humor section. Never mind. ::headexplode::
Dawn