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+--- Thread: The continuing two cows saga (/thread-12532.html)
The continuing two cows saga - David Guyatt - 07-05-2014
TWO COWS ~{Matthias Varga}
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
A NIGERIAN BUSINESS
Hello, I am theEexecutor of the Estate of King Mufafa the Third and he has left you his herd of 1 million cows. Please to be contacting me most rapidly to process your inheritance. In order to receive your cows you must send $100,000 dollars via western union.
THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY
What cows?
The continuing two cows saga - Drew Phipps - 07-05-2014
THE WORLD BANK
You have 2 cows. The World Bank loans you a million dollars, but you have to spend it the way they tell you to spend it, namely, paying an American contractor to build you a million dollar barn. When you default, they take your cows. And the barn.
The continuing two cows saga - Albert Doyle - 07-05-2014
Quote:TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
While your democracy declines in direct proportion and the environment is burned.
Quote:AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
While the country that bombed you is no longer one.
The continuing two cows saga - Keith Millea - 07-05-2014
I had a cow once.It got sick so I shot and buried it.
I don't need no stinkin' cows......:
:
The continuing two cows saga - Magda Hassan - 08-05-2014
Drew Phipps Wrote:THE WORLD BANK:
You have 2 cows. The World Bank loans you a million dollars, but you have to spend it the way they tell you to spend it, namely, paying an American contractor to build you a million dollar barn. When you default, they take your cows. And the barn.
: Then the US builds a military base on what used to be the field where the cows grazed.