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Landover Baptist Church Trolls Iceland

26.4.2010 Words by Paul Nikolov

The Landover Baptist Church - a fictional church that parodies American Christian right-wingers - have once again incurred the rage of hundreds of Icelanders when they posted their screed, God Hates Iceland.

The rant itself is chock-full of trolltastic inaccuracies, starting with the very first sentence: "The Icelandic Flag mocks the cross by turning it sideways. Satanists mock Jesus by turning a cross upside down. This is very similar. This is proof that Iceland hates Jesus!" The accompanying image is the flag of Norway. The jist of the troll-rant is that Iceland has brought upon the wrath of God by, among other things, allowing gay marriage and universal health care, for having a penis museum, and that most Icelanders are pagans, but "the few Christians are Lutherans, who are hellbound anyways." Because of these transgressions, the eruptions have happened.

Although the church's website has been online since 1993 and has been internet famous for at least a decade, apparently not everyone, everywhere recognizes satire when they see it. A Facebook group called "Ég hata The Landover Baptist Church/I Hate the Landover Baptist Church" has claimed over 200 members. They encourage people to join "if you can't stand it when people speak badly about our country."

It is uncertain at this time whether the group's members aren't aware that the church doesn't exist, or if they simply take issue with the parody. Needless to say, it wouldn't be the first time Landover has convincingly imitated America's religious far-right.

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The Icelandic Flag mocks the cross by turning it sideways. Satanists mock Jesus by turning a cross upside down. This is very similar. This is proof that Iceland hates Jesus!

Iceland is a Scandinavian country, located in the North Atlantic ocean. Nothing much happens there, but it still cannot escape the wrath of our Lord. Let us look at the many reasons why this nation offends our Lord.

1. They are Godless. Most Icelanders are atheists or worship pagan Viking gods. The few Christians are Lutherans, who are hellbound anyways. There is not a single Baptist church in Iceland!

2. God cursed this land with geography. Iceland is mostly ice, hence the name "Iceland". There is also a lot of volcanic and geyser activity, due to the close proximity of Hell. We know for a fact that Hell is underneath the Earth, and Iceland is one of the closest places on the surface to Hell. You can look at Iceland as a gateway between Hell and Earth.

3. God punished their economy by bankrupting them. While they were once successful, the Lord sought to destroy them economically. But do they learn from their punishments? No.

4. The most famous Icelander is Bjork, who is a disgusting race-mixing harlot who dresses up in strange apparel (Zeph 1:8) and fornicates with negroes (Ezra 9:2). She is a national folk hero.

5. They elect women as prime ministers even though the Bible specifically forbids women from ruling over men! 1st Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

6. They are weak pacifists and don't have an army. They have universal health care. In other words, it's Obama's utopia.

7. Iceland wants to destroy the traditional family so they've legalized gay marriage! They create laws to mock God! Leviticus 18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

8. Iceland promotes sorcery and witchcraft. They worship Satan and perform rituals that animate trolls and ogres and other demons to do their bidding. They even have a museum dedicated to their Satan worship!

9. But not even that museum could offend the decency of True Christians™ like the National Penis Museum. Yes, Iceland has erected a building glorifying the penis! What a sick sex-obsessed heathen society.

All people of Iceland need to repent and accept Jesus Christ as their savior! Until then, they will suffer and will burn in Hell along with other God-mocking countries like Australia, England, Scotland, Denmark, Germany, France, Italy, Hungary, Russia, China, Japan, Korea, Mexico, Canada, Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Spain, Portugal, Norway, Sweden, Ukraine, Romania, Croatia, Serbia, Ethiopia, Nigeria, Somalia, Sudan, South Africa, New Zealand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Guatemala, Algeria, Egypt, Saudia Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Qatar, etc.

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God Is Angry at Iceland for Gay Marriage

21.5.2010 Words by Paul Nikolov

Earthquakes, the illness of former Prime Minister Geir H. Haarde and fish disease are all signs that God is angry at Iceland for its liberal policies with regards to the rights of homosexuals, says a self-described theologian in comments he made to the Parliamentary General Committee.

The committee is currently reviewing a bill submitted by the Ministry of Justice to establish one law regarding marriage for everyone - effectively eliminating the current distinction made between "marriage" and "civil unions", as the national church of Iceland refuses to marry gay people.

Eyjan points out that of the many groups and people who submitted their thoughts on the proposed law was Finnbogi Ástvaldsson. He contends that God is angry at Iceland for its liberal policies regarding the rights of homosexuals, pointing to such indications as earthquakes, the illnesses that struck Geir H. Haarde and Ingibjörg Sólrún Gísladóttir, and a sickness that has recently spread through fish stocks.

Whenever a bill is submitted to a parliamentary committee, the different people sitting on that committee will ask different special interest groups or individuals to submits their comments, critiques and suggestions about the bill.

Quote:One thing I’ll give Icelanders is that since the crash people knew who was to blame: Irresponsible Viking bankers who raided the globe’s financial systems and threw themselves into metaphorical pools of cash money. I mean, it would have been fun to just blame Homer Simpson, but alas. Yes, the government has a share of the blame and yes, all the people who took unjustifiable loans to buy themselves a Range Rover have a share of the blame. But even so, with only 320,000 people, they knew that if you added all the lame personal loans up, there was still a lot of money unaccounted for.
When the Special Investigative Commission report came out Icelanders caught a glimpse of just how far Icelandic bankers had pushed the boundaries of not just ethical practice but how murky the legal territory they were wading in was.
Although Icelanders had speculated about the outcome of the report and certainly theorized about the extent of the corruption, I don’t think anyone thought it would be quite so ridiculous.
Corporate tycoons would buy banks. Then they would lend themselves money from the banks they’d bought. Like it was their personal piggy bank and a string of people would help them do this without getting caught.
Until now, of course. I wonder, when the police began to arrest the banking executives, owners, presidents and lawyers, whether they had seen it coming. I mean, they’ve been untouched for two years.
I remember how after the crash my mum would tut as we drove around town in her tiny Punto, point out men in Hummers and go: “That there is the president of such and such bank—he’s played a key role in destroying our country but there he is guzzling gas on his way to a five-star restaurant!”
These guys have been going about their regular business, easily maintaining their pre-crash lifestyles because they knew when to tuck their stolen cash away before it got sour and all the while Icelanders have watched on with interest wondering and indeed losing hope that eventually they’d see their come-uppance.
But perhaps it’s finally en route? Last week the asset freezing and arrests started.
One of the first one hit: Jón Ásgeir Jóhannesson, charismatic owner of Baugur and previous major shareholder in the bank Glitnir.
He is now facing a global asset freezing order and was given 48 hours last week to list everything he owns or face jail.
This all lead back to allegations put forth in a lawsuit against him which states that he conspired with associates to “fraudulently drain over USD 2bn out of the bank to fill their pockets and prop up their own failing companies.”
“There is evidence supporting the allegation that Glitnir bank was robbed from the inside,” said Steinunn Gudbjartsdóttir, who chairs the Glitnir winding-up board.
Others facing the chopping board include Hreidar Már Sigurdsson, former chief executive of Kaupthing, who was arrested earlier in the month on suspicion of offences including embezzlement, falsifying documents and stock and bond trading violations, in the most high-profile move so far by prosecutors investing possible wrongdoing in Iceland's banks.
Magnús Gudmundsson, former director of Kaupthing in Luxembourg also faces a legal storm as he and Sigurdsson are jointly on travel ban on suspicion of having organized trades worth almost ISK 100 billion (USD 770 million, EUR 600 million) with the purpose of increasing the value of stocks in the bank one month before it collapsed in October 2008.
Meanwhile, since we’re on the topic of Kaupthing (if you’re English you might remember John Cleese doing commercials for them... sigh), Sigurdur Einarsson, former chairman of Kaupthing, has filed charges to the Supreme Court of Iceland because of the international warrant for his arrest issued by the special prosecutor last week. Unsurprisingly, his charge was dismissed.
Other individuals named in the lawsuit against Jóhannesson and his accomplices are former chairman of Glitnir Thorsteinn M. Jónsson, former Glitnir CEO Lárus Welding, Jón Sigurdsson, CEO of FL Group and former FL Group CEO Hannes Smárason.
Oh yeah, and now the winding-up committee of Landsbanki is prepping the mother of all lawsuits against the bank’s former management and the owners.
It’s complicated, I know, but at least Iceland is confronting this now and isn’t laying blame on a fictional target (Homer Simpson, I’m looking at you) but trying to gain, albeit a delayed, justice from these cowboy bankers.
Nanna Árnadóttir – nannaa@hotmail.co.uk

Quote:1. They are Godless. Most Icelanders are atheists or worship pagan Viking gods. The few Christians are Lutherans, who are hellbound anyways. There is not a single Baptist church in Iceland!

2. God cursed this land with geography. Iceland is mostly ice, hence the name "Iceland". There is also a lot of volcanic and geyser activity, due to the close proximity of Hell. We know for a fact that Hell is underneath the Earth, and Iceland is one of the closest places on the surface to Hell. You can look at Iceland as a gateway between Hell and Earth.

3. God punished their economy by bankrupting them. While they were once successful, the Lord sought to destroy them economically. But do they learn from their punishments? No.

4. The most famous Icelander is Bjork, who is a disgusting race-mixing harlot who dresses up in strange apparel (Zeph 1:8) and fornicates with negroes (Ezra 9:2). She is a national folk hero.

Magda Hassan Wrote:http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

Magda Hassan Wrote:http://www.landoverbaptist.org/