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+--- Thread: Various systems of cow economics - What's that you ask? (/Thread-Various-systems-of-cow-economics-What-s-that-you-ask)
Various systems of cow economics - What's that you ask? - Magda Hassan - 04-01-2009
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies.
You then employ someone else to do the work and you grab
all future profits to fund your indolent lifestyle.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using 20 letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-eng ineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
Various systems of cow economics - What's that you ask? - Myra Bronstein - 04-01-2009
Ohmygod this is the funniest thing I've ever seen.
Various systems of cow economics - What's that you ask? - David Guyatt - 04-01-2009
FINANCE AND BANKING
You have 2 cows.
You use options to leverage them into 60 cows at the usual ratio of 30:1.
You convince a penniless farmer with no land to buy and grass the cows.
You lend him $25 million to buy the land using "his" sixty cows as collateral against the loan.
You package his farm and "herd" and future capital and interest repayments into a wrapped bond issue with nominal value of $250 million.
You sell said bond issue around the world and reap $250 million minus legal expenses.
You fly to your new $30 mansion in Bermuda and sip Rum punch for the rest of eternity.
Various systems of cow economics - What's that you ask? - Linda Minor - 04-01-2009
David Guyatt Wrote:FINANCE AND BANKING
You have 2 cows.
You use options to leverage them into 60 cows at the usual ratio of 30:1.
You convince a penniless farmer with no land to buy and grass the cows.
You lend him $25 million to buy the land using "his" sixty cows as collateral against the loan.
You package his farm and "herd" and future capital and interest repayments into a wrapped bond issue with nominal value of $250 million.
You sell said bond issue around the world and reap $250 million minus legal expenses.
You fly to your new $30 [million] mansion in Bermuda and sip Rum punch for the rest of eternity.
David,
This is brilliant!
Various systems of cow economics - What's that you ask? - Myra Bronstein - 04-01-2009
Wow, cows sure are educational. Who knew?