+- Deep Politics Forum (https://deeppoliticsforum.com/fora)
+-- Forum: Deep Politics Forum (https://deeppoliticsforum.com/fora/forum-1.html)
+--- Forum: Lounge (https://deeppoliticsforum.com/fora/forum-19.html)
+--- Thread: Sum phun (/thread-872.html)
Sum phun - Jack White - 16-02-2009
CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
& He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it
was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in
his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it's still stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in ... Linoleum
Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging in the hallway. One hat said to
the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. His
grandmother phoned to ask how he was, the nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have
the balls.
19. Soldiers who survive mustard gas and pepper spray are now seasoned
veterans.
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
that votes.
22. When cannibals eat missionaries, they get a taste of religion.
23. Don't join dangerous cults. Practise safe sects!
________________________________
Sum phun - Kate Story - 16-02-2009
Cannibals won't eat comedians because of the funny taste.
Which president was least guilty? Lincoln. He is in-a-cent.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Sum phun - Charles Drago - 17-02-2009
A butcher wanted to bet me that I couldn't guess the number of tenderloins he had available on the top shelf of his freezer.
I told him the steaks were too high.
___
She was only the contortionist's daughter, but I knew her knot.
___
Here are some original ideas for jazz and American popular songs as interpreted in Africa (a tad "inside" unless you're a jazz lover, but what the heck!). My favorites in bold:
Line for Lions
No Mercy, No Mercy (the Cannibal Adderley version)
Tarzan Stripes Forever
Pigmy the Simple Life
Your Cheetah Heart
Oh You Crazy Baboon
Zulu's Back in Town
Kenya Keep a Secret?
Kilimanjaro with His Song
Leopard Leaps In
The Chimp
Nilestones
I'm Hippo
Summer Simba
My Mother Dakar
A Vine Romance
Tie a Yellow Gibbon
So Near, Safari
Rhesus Christ, Superstar
Tusk One of Those Things
Tutu Close for Comfort
You Go to My Headhunter
___
Remember the story of the young Jewish woman who defied her parents by joining the Peace Corps and running off to Africa?
After a year she writes home to say that she's seen the errors of her ways and has taken steps to conform to her parents' wishes. She has wed the kind of man they always dreamed she'd wed, and they're coming home.
The mother and father are at the airport to greet their wayward daughter and new son-in-law. She emerges from the plane hand-in-hand with a man wearing native garb, a huge headdress and a finger bone necklace, and shaking rattles while chanting hypnotically.
"What on earth have you done?" screams the father.
"I did what you always told me to do," the daughter replies.
And the mortified father says, "No no no ... We told you to marry a rich doctor!"
Sum phun - Charles Drago - 17-02-2009
Two cannibals are having lunch. One of them takes a bite of his sandwich and says, "This is delicious! Who is this?"
The next day they decide to order a take-out pizza. One of them calls the local pizzeria and says, "I'd like a large pie with everyone on it."
Sum phun - Kate Story - 17-02-2009
I once had a cow with no legs. I called her Ground Beef.
I had a dog with no legs and I didn't call him anything. He wouldn't come anyway.
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in your mailbox? Bill
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in your pool? Bob
What do you call a man with no arms and legs hanging on a wall? Art
What do you call a man with no arms and legs lying at the front door? Matt
:hahaha:
Sum phun - Magda Hassan - 17-02-2009
How many men does it take to wall paper a room?
Depends how thinly you slice them.
Sum phun - Charles Drago - 17-02-2009
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG!
Sum phun - Kate Story - 17-02-2009
What did one casket say to the other?
Is that you coffin?
Sum phun - Kate Story - 17-02-2009
Magda Hassan Wrote:How many men does it take to wall paper a room?
Depends how thinly you slice them.
I just told this one to my husband. He hated it. lol
Sum phun - Kate Story - 17-02-2009
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.
Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen?
A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back
Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW parked outside it. :elefant: