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Thread: Am I talking balls?

  1. #21

    Default Martin Anus on Corbyn's "immediate sphere"

    Martin Anus, the right-wing author of such critically acclaimed works as London Bore, Dosh, Existential and The Zone of Snore, has taken to the pages of the Ozzie cuckold's largest format tabloid, The Times, to denounce Corbyn as an uneducated, humourless, and dogmatic cliche.

    So, nothing like Mr. Anus, then.

    The version to follow is from the similarly Oxbridge-centric Gruaniad, which, rather bafflingly and to the belief of absolutely no one, continues to insist that it is a "left of centre" paper:

    http://www.theguardian.com/books/201...s-sunday-times
    "There are three sorts of conspiracy: by the people who complain, by the people who write, by the people who take action. There is nothing to fear from the first group, the two others are more dangerous; but the police have to be part of all three,"

    Joseph Fouche

  2. #22

    Default Exeptionalballs

    Please be aware that the following footage contains balls of an exceptionally appalling nature and should only really be read when inebriated, or if in dire need of an emetic.

    Barf bags at the ready:

    "There are three sorts of conspiracy: by the people who complain, by the people who write, by the people who take action. There is nothing to fear from the first group, the two others are more dangerous; but the police have to be part of all three,"

    Joseph Fouche

  3. #23

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Rigby View Post
    Please be aware that the following footage contains balls of an exceptionally appalling nature and should only really be read when inebriated, or if in dire need of an emetic.

    Barf bags at the ready:

    Russian TV commentator Ruslan Ostashko's take on the above, as translated by Ollie Richardson and Angelina Siard

    http://stalkerzone.org/hillary-clint...nalism-nazism/
    "There are three sorts of conspiracy: by the people who complain, by the people who write, by the people who take action. There is nothing to fear from the first group, the two others are more dangerous; but the police have to be part of all three,"

    Joseph Fouche

  4. #24

    Default

    With the best will in the world, I simply cannot, will not, contemplate dragging myself away from a planned evening of enjoyable inebriation to behold such insincere perjury.

    Especially when a bottle of Beaune Les Cents Vignes - scored at a vintage of 9/10 - has sat all day breathing in preparation for its destruction...

    At least nothing would change my mind short of access to a far grander cru such as Romanee-Conti for instance. If you're offering that is - as an apology for blemishing my evening with an image of that woman?

    And allow me to mention Tooth, that fine French wine, in my considerable and decades long experience, never results in a sudden forceful extrusion of ingested nectar. Never.

    It is only when, in desperation at seeing two sad, empty bottles, the desperate thought manifests to add to the hitherto consumed amende la Francaise vin some far inferior offerings from such dubious reaches of the uncivilized universe as Moldova or worse, Bulgaria, that may result in triggering episodes of reflux.

    And I have vast experience of that also.

    These extensive researches of mine should always be regarded as courageous inundations of alchemical investigation. In my humble opinion.

    Chin chin.
    The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.
    Carl Jung - Aion (1951). CW 9, Part II: P.14

  5. #25

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by David Guyatt View Post
    These extensive researches of mine should always be regarded as courageous inundations of alchemical investigation.
    Is there no end to this man's selfless courage in the disinterested pursuit of, er, pleasure?

    Pass the onion. Then the gin. Trebles all round!

    Tooth
    "There are three sorts of conspiracy: by the people who complain, by the people who write, by the people who take action. There is nothing to fear from the first group, the two others are more dangerous; but the police have to be part of all three,"

    Joseph Fouche

  6. Default

    American Exceptionalism succinctly illustrated:



    "Inside every gook is an American trying to get out."
    Last edited by Cliff Varnell; 09-02-2016 at 09:28 PM.

  7. #27

    Default This Blackburn man certainly was

    Another strong contender for headline of the year:

    Blackburn Man Does Five Lines of Cocaine, Has a Forty Minute Wank In a Beer Garden, Is Arrested

    By Joel Golby

    Staff Writer
    September 24, 2015

    http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/black...ource=vicefbuk

    A Blackburn man appeared in court today after "performing a sex act" (a big wank) in a pub garden after snorting five lines of cocaine – a sex act he managed to keep up for 40 minutes; a sort of endurance wank, a long-distance marathon of a wank, the kind of wank Paula Radcliffe gets up in the middle of and takes a shit during. A big wank, basically. Police arrested him on the scene and he has a history of criminal indecency, and today he pleaded guilty to outraging public decency.

    What is public decency? This constant lie that we are all in some way decent. I feel at one time or another we have all felt like a 35-year-old man, wanking in the wind, five lines into a session in a Blackburn beer garden. At one time or another: do we not all just want the sweet release of a self-inflicted orgasm? Do we not all want to really rail some gak? Do we not all occasionally need to let our minds breath, in a place where so little happens there may as well be nothing, in a large Lancashire town that is so featureless it is like diving deep into one's own mind, mediocrity close to meditation?

    The man's name is Michael Brian Scott – his name is Michael Scott, like in the US Office; why has nobody on Tumblr done an appropriate .gif set of this yet? – and Blackburn magistrates today heard how he's sort of done stuff like this before. "He was in the beer garden of Clitheroe Kate's on Mincing Lane and people were constantly walking past," the prosecution, Catherine Allan, said. Then from Richard Prew, his defence, possibly the greatest court quote of all time: "He has been working as a fork lift truck driver for the last two years and lives with his partner who sits at the back of court. She finds his behaviour difficult to explain." She finds his behaviour. Difficult to explain.

    I've been thinking about Blackburn beer garden gak wanker a lot, and I've come to the conclusion: he is a self-expressionist of the highest order, Britain's greatest living artist. Has Banksy done anything close to being as subversive as giving himself a coke-fuelled handy in a pub garden in Blackburn? He has not. Does anything say "Britain" more than the image of a tired fork lift truck operator, coked out of his mind, emotionlessly wanking under a Thwaites-branded bench umbrella? We should put that on tourist pamphlets instead of a picture of the Queen. We should have had that instead of the Olympic opening ceremony.

    Anyway, seeing as he's previously served 32 weeks in prison for indecency, there's a decent chance he'll go to prison again, all while his partner tries to explain to her family and friends where he's gone. "Uh," she's saying, at her niece's christening. "Where's Michael? Ah... bit – bit of a weird one. He's in prison for a gak wank." God speed to you, Blackburn beer garden gak wanker. God speed to you.
    "There are three sorts of conspiracy: by the people who complain, by the people who write, by the people who take action. There is nothing to fear from the first group, the two others are more dangerous; but the police have to be part of all three,"

    Joseph Fouche

  8. #28

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Rigby View Post
    Another strong contender for headline of the year:

    Blackburn Man Does Five Lines of Cocaine, Has a Forty Minute Wank In a Beer Garden, Is Arrested

    By Joel Golby

    Staff Writer
    September 24, 2015

    http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/black...ource=vicefbuk

    A Blackburn man appeared in court today after "performing a sex act" (a big wank) in a pub garden after snorting five lines of cocaine – a sex act he managed to keep up for 40 minutes; a sort of endurance wank, a long-distance marathon of a wank, the kind of wank Paula Radcliffe gets up in the middle of and takes a shit during. A big wank, basically. Police arrested him on the scene and he has a history of criminal indecency, and today he pleaded guilty to outraging public decency.

    What is public decency? This constant lie that we are all in some way decent. I feel at one time or another we have all felt like a 35-year-old man, wanking in the wind, five lines into a session in a Blackburn beer garden. At one time or another: do we not all just want the sweet release of a self-inflicted orgasm? Do we not all want to really rail some gak? Do we not all occasionally need to let our minds breath, in a place where so little happens there may as well be nothing, in a large Lancashire town that is so featureless it is like diving deep into one's own mind, mediocrity close to meditation?

    The man's name is Michael Brian Scott – his name is Michael Scott, like in the US Office; why has nobody on Tumblr done an appropriate .gif set of this yet? – and Blackburn magistrates today heard how he's sort of done stuff like this before. "He was in the beer garden of Clitheroe Kate's on Mincing Lane and people were constantly walking past," the prosecution, Catherine Allan, said. Then from Richard Prew, his defence, possibly the greatest court quote of all time: "He has been working as a fork lift truck driver for the last two years and lives with his partner who sits at the back of court. She finds his behaviour difficult to explain." She finds his behaviour. Difficult to explain.

    I've been thinking about Blackburn beer garden gak wanker a lot, and I've come to the conclusion: he is a self-expressionist of the highest order, Britain's greatest living artist. Has Banksy done anything close to being as subversive as giving himself a coke-fuelled handy in a pub garden in Blackburn? He has not. Does anything say "Britain" more than the image of a tired fork lift truck operator, coked out of his mind, emotionlessly wanking under a Thwaites-branded bench umbrella? We should put that on tourist pamphlets instead of a picture of the Queen. We should have had that instead of the Olympic opening ceremony.

    Anyway, seeing as he's previously served 32 weeks in prison for indecency, there's a decent chance he'll go to prison again, all while his partner tries to explain to her family and friends where he's gone. "Uh," she's saying, at her niece's christening. "Where's Michael? Ah... bit – bit of a weird one. He's in prison for a gak wank." God speed to you, Blackburn beer garden gak wanker. God speed to you.
    Was there a contest he wanted to win?
    The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.
    Carl Jung - Aion (1951). CW 9, Part II: P.14

  9. #29

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by David Guyatt View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Rigby View Post
    Another strong contender for headline of the year:

    Blackburn Man Does Five Lines of Cocaine, Has a Forty Minute Wank In a Beer Garden, Is Arrested

    By Joel Golby

    Staff Writer
    September 24, 2015

    http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/black...ource=vicefbuk

    A Blackburn man appeared in court today after "performing a sex act" (a big wank) in a pub garden after snorting five lines of cocaine – a sex act he managed to keep up for 40 minutes; a sort of endurance wank, a long-distance marathon of a wank, the kind of wank Paula Radcliffe gets up in the middle of and takes a shit during. A big wank, basically. Police arrested him on the scene and he has a history of criminal indecency, and today he pleaded guilty to outraging public decency.

    What is public decency? This constant lie that we are all in some way decent. I feel at one time or another we have all felt like a 35-year-old man, wanking in the wind, five lines into a session in a Blackburn beer garden. At one time or another: do we not all just want the sweet release of a self-inflicted orgasm? Do we not all want to really rail some gak? Do we not all occasionally need to let our minds breath, in a place where so little happens there may as well be nothing, in a large Lancashire town that is so featureless it is like diving deep into one's own mind, mediocrity close to meditation?

    The man's name is Michael Brian Scott – his name is Michael Scott, like in the US Office; why has nobody on Tumblr done an appropriate .gif set of this yet? – and Blackburn magistrates today heard how he's sort of done stuff like this before. "He was in the beer garden of Clitheroe Kate's on Mincing Lane and people were constantly walking past," the prosecution, Catherine Allan, said. Then from Richard Prew, his defence, possibly the greatest court quote of all time: "He has been working as a fork lift truck driver for the last two years and lives with his partner who sits at the back of court. She finds his behaviour difficult to explain." She finds his behaviour. Difficult to explain.

    I've been thinking about Blackburn beer garden gak wanker a lot, and I've come to the conclusion: he is a self-expressionist of the highest order, Britain's greatest living artist. Has Banksy done anything close to being as subversive as giving himself a coke-fuelled handy in a pub garden in Blackburn? He has not. Does anything say "Britain" more than the image of a tired fork lift truck operator, coked out of his mind, emotionlessly wanking under a Thwaites-branded bench umbrella? We should put that on tourist pamphlets instead of a picture of the Queen. We should have had that instead of the Olympic opening ceremony.

    Anyway, seeing as he's previously served 32 weeks in prison for indecency, there's a decent chance he'll go to prison again, all while his partner tries to explain to her family and friends where he's gone. "Uh," she's saying, at her niece's christening. "Where's Michael? Ah... bit – bit of a weird one. He's in prison for a gak wank." God speed to you, Blackburn beer garden gak wanker. God speed to you.
    Was there a contest he wanted to win?
    The Mincing Lane - you couldn't make this stuff up - Wankathon, I assume, but I, er, stand to be corrected....

    A number of readers are perhaps wondering how come Mr Scott didn't get off. I confess uncertainty. It's assuredly a toss-up between poor technique and the Tory domination of the bench.
    "There are three sorts of conspiracy: by the people who complain, by the people who write, by the people who take action. There is nothing to fear from the first group, the two others are more dangerous; but the police have to be part of all three,"

    Joseph Fouche

  10. #30

    Default

    Sounds like it must be some sort of endurance test. No wonder he wanted to be near some liquid refreshments and a good pub meal. And I used to think English pubs were so quaint and lovely places. Unlike the Australian troughs. Not so sure now...
    "I think it would be a good idea." Mahatma Gandhi, when asked what he thought of Western civilization.

    The philosophers have only interpreted the world, in various ways; the point is to change it.
    Karl Marx.

    "Well, he would, wouldn't he?" Mandy Rice-Davies, 1963, replied Ms Rice Davies when the prosecuting counsel pointed out that Lord Astor denied an affair or having even met her.

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