Am I talking balls?

[Paul Rigby]

Total balls:

"Everybody has a preference. Some guys like them round. Some guys like them thin. Some guys like them tacky. Some guys like them brand new. Some guys like old balls."

A complete philosophy of balls in six sentences.

[video=youtube_share;ETizgacdvDg]http://youtu.be/ETizgacdvDg[/video]

I am delighted to report that The War on Balls is being taken literally by more than one American, giving rise to what is unquestionably the headline of the year so far:

Meth User Shoots Self In Scrotum While Trying To Save Neighbors From Mexicans In Trees'

http://freakoutnation.com/2015/09/meth-u...-in-trees/

A Washington state man (not pictured) shot himself in the groin while on a two-day methamphetamine binge. Martin Eugene Hoyer, 51, kicked in a neighbor's door to rescue her from hallucinatory "Mexicans," according to authorities.

Hoyer's handgun in his waistband discharged, sending a bullet through his lower abdomen and into his scrotum, according to police.

Hoyer is charged with first-degree assault, felony harassment and four counts of unlawful possession of a firearm, the Yakima Herald reports.

Before kicking his neighbor's door in, police say Hoyer first threatened a female neighbor with the .45-caliber Taurus revolver, pointing it at her through the picture window of her apartment at around 7:00 p.m. on Sept. 13.

Hoyer explained to investigators that he heard through an air vent "a bunch of Mexicans and white guys" plotting with his neighbor to steal his truck and cash.

According to the neighbor-victim, Hoyer stood outside her apartment armed with the revolver, aimed it at her through the window and threatened to shoot her for planning to rob him.

Hoyer continued to tell police that he saw "Mexicans in the trees" outside his apartment complex "getting ready to jump out and attack him," and added that two more "Mexicans" went to a second neighbor's apartment to urge her to open Hoyer's door so they could rob him.

So the meth user went to his downstairs neighbor's apartment with the pistol in his waistband to "save" her from the "Mexicans," but when he raised his leg to kick the door, the firearm went off.

After the downstairs neighbor heard banging at her door, she opened it only to hear a loud bang with Hoyer falling to the ground saying, "Ow."

Police arrived on the scene and found Hoyer walking from his apartment to his truck, with a gunshot wound.

Hoyer was transported to a local hospital where they found a bullet had propelled directly downward into his scrotal region, where it lodged.

But this isn't the first time Hoyer has been shot.

Another projectile was discovered in his body, but according to Hoyer, it was from a previous incident. We're sure that'a s good story, too.

Hoyer has had a busy life, with four prior felony convictions.

He told police he smoked about $50 worth of meth that day, and another $50 supply the previous day.

Police searched his home and discovered two .45-caliber revolvers, a rifle and ammunition, plus small amounts of methamphetamine, according to reports.

Hoyer is being held on $50,000 bail.

During the last few days, men have been shooting their manly bits and we have no idea why. A Brooklyn man shot himself in the groin.

Truly exceptional.