corporate entity becomes 'candidate' kicks off bid for Congress

[Paul Rigby]

I have been giving the idea serious consideration in the bath. I provisionally favour the title of the “Brown Envelope Party,” or the BEP, for short, if only from the point of view of sowing confusion (British Empire Party, that sort of echo.) Brown envelopes are not merely the time-honoured means of conveying the universally welcome backhander, but also frequently used for postal votes, which are, it almost goes without saying, a fertile source of fraud. And thus our friend.

I hasten to point out that I remain open to offers – preferably in the form of used notes of low denomination – and that any corporation, arms manufacturer, or intelligence bureaucracy with a bigger wedge will, of course, instantly acquire naming rights, however shifty or misleading. After all, in British and American politics, money has always been king, queen, and pretender. Let's celebrate that fact where all can see it.

Anyone interested in standing as a candidate for the proposed party most pass certain basic tests, chief among them, the ability to keep a straight face a la Blair while trousering the readies. Huge quantities of them. A certain kind of rhetorical absurdity is another prerequisite. Can you deliver speeches of this quality?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nxo0fS2VMM

If so, forget the BEP, BBC comedy needs you even more.