Car bomb in Time Square

[Paul Rigby]

Barking MP: Send me to America, now!

Exclusive to the NYT and every other American newspaper

Veteran MP and former diplomatist Sir Buxton Strobe-Thribble (Con., Essex) today demanded his own immediate rendition to the US for “crimes against imperial propaganda.” In a remarkable interview with Rita Totty, presenter of Sky News’ “38DD,” Westminster’s only 3D politics programme, Strobe-Thribble demanded to go the same way as “the Natwest ménage et trois, or whatever they were called.”

Wearing a borrowed orange boiler suite, and some erratically applied mascara, a tired and emotional Strobe-Thribble openly wept as he repeatedly demanded to be paraded through the streets of Washington DC naked, chained and scourged. “It’s the only way with hardened recidivists like me,” he sobbed. “All I ask for is a prison cell brutally controlled by a psychotic & capricious negro sodomite, preferably one with a Mau Mau background. That,” he added, “and a solitary reminder of Eton – my house tie.”

Asked by Totty what he would do if David Cameroon failed to obtain an overall majority, and could not appoint him the next British Ambassador to Washington, Strobe-Thribble railed against the cosmic injustice of it all. “Is it my fault I know no one who went to lowly Westminster School? All these years I’ve had to play a Greek, when all I’ve ever wanted was to be a Roman. Let me play among the Roman Gods if only for one term!”

Foreign Office sauces agree that Strobe-Thribble remains, like his fellow Eton old boy Cameroon, the overwhelming favourite, but that all bets are off in the event of a hung parliament. Lib Dem Nick Clogg’s team are widely held to favour rival Sir Anthony Footstool, described by one admirer as “even more ludicrously vain, pompous and right-wing than Sir Christopher Polyp-Meyer,” who effortlessly achieved his publicly expressed goal of “getting up the jacksey of Washington’s leading neo-cons and staying there.” Polyp-Meyer continues to preside over the Press Complaints Committee from an office deep within Dick Cheney’s colony, the Pentagon.

In Washington, reaction to Strobe-Thribble’s interview was muted. “Offensive on every level? Yes,” commented State Department spokeswoman Valerie Flame. “But look at the upside: He’s stupid, racist, greedy, cowardly and malleable. We know the Foreign Office type well; and it’s a type we have used to the considerable benefit of America Inc. for a very long time. So there’ll be no ‘Leggit’ against S-T from the SD!”