US spy chief Clapper defends Prism and phone surveillance

[Paul Rigby]

Btw Tooth, following on from your reference about the South East Asian Sex Tool Corporation Inc., Clapper has sent me some of your Selfie's that he tripped across on his way to the bank to check if the deposit had been made. Apparently not old boy.


Therefore, the question I have is this:


What exactly were you doing in Vespers with that greasy candle, the well thumbed book and your tinkle bell?


Just wondering old thing?


Was it legal?

Ms. Cecily Vespers is a BBC Producer of outstanding integrity, imagination and vitality, currently on secondment to the lustrated & reconstituted Kyiv Broadcasting Corporation, where is she is working tirelessly on the pilot for a Ukrainian version of East Enders, provisionally entitled "Newland." I have made her aware of this vile slur, and you may confidently anticipate, upon her return, prompt action from her crack brief, Farter-Crook.

The footage to which you allude with such slavering relish is a mash-up of unused scenes from an episode of my last BBC series, The Tooth About Britain, the one in which I sought to find the seeds of Christian renaissance beyond the drear hand of our dessicated Anglican establishment.

From the church of Holy Christ at RAF Slaughter, where patriotic drone pilots learn to handle snakes under the watchful eye of Pastor Hamm Shank, to the apostolic bell-ringers of The Last Days Church in Lower Thrall, where a community of penitent bankers with divorce issues sang lustily - "Ding-dong the bell is rising/Your ring is quite surprising" - I found great hope that all is not yet lost, not least for a pre-emptive nuclear attack on Boris and/or the Yellow Peril.

Quite how this footage made it onto Youtube remains a minor administrative mystery: your motives, sir, by contrast, are not.

Yours in disgust,

Sir Herbert Tooth