The Daily Putain!

[David Guyatt]

THE DAILY PUTAIN!

Putain snapped robbing grave

By Aleksndr Pizzoff (Moskou correspondent)


Vladimir Putain the Russian president last night was snapped by our covert cameraman as he robbed a grave im paler, a small village on the outskirts of Tepes, itself a small town in eastern Arkansas's garlic growing country.

Fears are growing that the gristle chewing maniac of Moscow will now turn his attention towards Washington where he has held historic hambitions of becoming president of the DeLoren College of Dining Crafts and Damoiseau Cacaethesia- known as DCDCDC located oddly enough in the District of Columbia, not very far from Washington.

Putain is scouting the area in order to invade us, said a Nato spokesthingy.

The imperious Putain in pictures


Vlad Putain


Tepi Putain


Vlad's bitch


Great Uncle Adolf Putain

In other news:

Princess Diana has been reborn a gelding

The late princess Diana has been reborn as a gelding in the tiny, tiny hamlet of Cock and Drissle, Worcestshire, a Nato spokesthingy has revealed in a non attributable briefing. The princess died in a golfing accident in France in 1997 the zen coroner ruled.

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[Bill York]

I have recently taken on the pleasure of driving a taxi in Wasilla Alaska from 6pm until 6am. The bars up here stay open until 5am.

As everyone knows we are just a hop and a skip away from the "Evil Empire." Also the native population here is all under suspicion of being communist considering their recent trek across the bering land bridge.

I have noticed that the military presence up here is considerable. In my inquiries to find out what was going on I was told that recent NSA intell has discovered that Vlad Putain has sworn to take Sarah Palin as one of his "undead concubines." As you can imagine Homeland Security has put Wasilla under a full code red alert.

I personally have taken to flying small american flags on all four corners of my taxi and smearing garlic butter around the windows and on the door handles.

We know this is a showdown between the forces good and evil and are determined to defeat this satanic enemy.