The Mistress

[Bernice Moore]

THE JEWISH MISTRESS

A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

[Charles Drago]

Two Jews (don't know why the characters' religion is relevant to the joke, but what the hell ... ) are playing golf. They're pretty good, but they're stuck behind two women who are terrible and slow.

One of the Jews says, "I'll go down and ask them if we can play through." He gets half-way to the women, turns, and comes back.

His partner says, "What happened?"

The first Jew says, "One of those women is my wife, and the other one is my mistress."

The second Jew says, "Alright, I'll go." He too gets halfway to the women, turns, and comes back.

"What's YOUR problem?" the first Jew asks.

And the second says, "Small world, isn't it?"