British Airport security - the rationale

[Jan Klimkowski]

Cameron and Clegg must be vacating themselves. Neither can effectively overrule the security establishment as doing so has a way of resulting in unexpected front-page media scandals that ruin political careers. On the other hand, not doing something breaks promises and looks to the public like weakness or duplicity.

But then again, the history of politics is strewn with broken promises...

The Defence of the Realm boys don't take prisoners.

I can see the headlines now:

SEX SHOCKER: CORPSE OF LIB DEM LEADER FOUND ZIPPED IN SPORTS BAG OF TORY RENT BOY'S BATH

Informed sources close to SIS told this newspaper that the teenage prostitute had the private phone numbers of several Tory MPs, including a "Big Beast" known for wearing hush puppies, and Nick Clegg's blackberry's ringtone had "ritualistic S&M connotations".

Det Supt Plodder of Scotland Yard said: "We believe the answers to his unexplained and tragic death lie solely in Mr Clegg's private life. If you are a greengrocer and recently sold a small orange fruit, such as a tangerine or clementine, to the LibDem leader, I would urge you to contact the Yard immediately."

The decomposing body of Nick Clegg was found in an unknown and pungent liquid but this newspaper has been reliably informed that police are pursuing other leads.