Dear Lebanon: An Open Letter

[Magda Hassan]

Dear Lebanon: An Open Letter

November 21, 2013
This post is also available in: Arabic
Tomorrow I'll hand a letter from Prime Minister Cameron to President Sleiman, with formal congratulations on Lebanon's 70th anniversary.
The wonderful people at Rag Mag also asked me to write an open letter to mark the day. This is a tough and precarious assignment, and it will annoy or anger some people. But I've had a try, as I think this is an important moment for reflection.
I hope others will consider writing letters of their own.
Dear Lebanon,
I wanted to write to say Happy 70th birthday.
I know that in reality you have been around thousands of years, and were trading and writing long before my ancestors. But that moment of your birth in November 1943 was special, different you took your first steps as a new nation founded on uniting principles rather than lines of division.
I'm proud that my predecessor, Edward Spears, was there to support that, and that we believed as strongly then as now in the idea of Lebanon.
The thing is, Lebanon, do you still believe in that idea? This is a question only you can answer. Without doubt, it has been a bumpy seven decades, with troublesome teenage years and plenty of midlife crises, to put it mildly.
You now face another tough year, and rising anxiety that regional rifts can drive you apart once again. We have been reminded this week that there are plenty of people who want that to happen.
I hope that you'll forgive a bit of feedback, from one of your admirers.
You're so much better than you admit. Look back at those seventy years. Your writers, musicians, thinkers and businesspeople have conquered the world again and again.
Your mountains, valleys and coasts are the envy of all of us. You have an extraordinary unquenchable spirit. You have found a way to move on from a devastating civil war, almost as though it never happened.
You are the world's best networkers, in a century that will be run by networks. You are also the most exceptional hosts, not just to ambassadors but also to the hundreds of thousands of Syrian refugees who have arrived in the last two years.
Whatever your religion, there are few more beautiful sounds than the intermingling of the call to prayer and church bells. Every day I meet extraordinary Lebanese people doing great things against the odds.
So, let's be clear, I'm a fan.
But I'm also frustrated, and I know that many of you are.
Your politics are dynamic on the surface. Yet broken and paralysed beneath it. You talk of unity. Yet often say things like Lebanon would be wonderful if it wasn't for the Lebanese', it will always be like this this is Lebanon', or they (insert different group) are just too different'.
You have an impressive ability to absorb hardships such as power cuts. Yet you rarely confront the causes of them. You invest more than any country in the education of your youth. Yet they feel excluded from changing the country for the better. You have been a beacon for women's rights.
Yet only elect a tiny handful to parliament. You were the first country in the region to stand up against dictatorship and tyranny in the 21st century Middle East. Yet your voice in calling for your own rights and those of others seems to have fallen silent, and in too many cases been silenced.
So here's some unsolicited advice.
First and most important, start ignoring advice from outsiders, including me: this is your country.
Second, celebrate the success that is all around you yes, the talented and inspirational athletes, thinkers, explorers and activists. But also the grafters who tell me on the school run, in the street, shops, schools or hospitals this is our country, we share it, and carrying on our lives is the best response to violence and division'.
Third, why not use this 70th anniversary of independence to remember what independence meant and should still mean that you'll prioritise national interests, Lebanese interests, over those of foreign patrons? And demand that your leaders do too?
Fourth, maybe it is time to renew those marriage vows, to spend a moment reflecting on what you admire rather than what infuriates you about each other. You're stuck together I'm afraid, for richer or poorer, for better or for worse.
Finally, don't forget your collective strengths. You may have difficult neighbours and a tendency to fatalism. But your location and diversity put you at the hub between continents and cultures. Your history gives you a resilience and free spirit that others in the region would die for, and are dying for.
Many of us are rooting for you. The UK is doubling trade, increasing tenfold our support to the army's stabilisation effort, and running our largest ever humanitarian effort to help you cope with the refugee influx. The Security Council, far from fighting their battles here, have come together repeatedly to prioritise your stability, and to provide peacekeepers, aid, political support.
For many of us you're too important, and too special, to let fail. If coexistence proves impossible in Lebanon, how can we be confident that it will work elsewhere?
I'm still buying shares in Lebanon 2020. All I encourage, humbly, is that you do too.
You're at a moment of jeopardy. 70 is too young for a country to retire. You can't just botox away the cracks. Whether you make it to 75 depends on whether you can find a way to regroup, to focus again on what unites rather than divides you.
That is not something that you can leave to outsiders. You have to decide whether you're on the side of those who are fighting over Lebanon. Or with those who are fighting for it.
Happy Birthday. Happy Independence Day. Happy One Lebanon Day. Mabrouk, bon courage, and solidarity.
Yours affectionately,
Tom
http://blogs.fco.gov.uk/tomfletcher/2013...en-letter/

[Magda Hassan]

Dear Britain: A Reply from Lebanon

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[TD="class: tr-caption"]That looks complicated. We're so impressed[/TD]
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Dear Britain,

We recently received a spam letter from one of your representatives and while we appreciate the effort that went into writing it, you must understand that we are busy and we don't have time to read advice from former global powers. We have tried to unsubscribe from your spam by replying to the email with unsubscribe' in the subject line but invariably we keep getting unsolicited advice from your politicians, ambassadors, journalists and Robert Fisk. So we had no other option but to write this letter.

Firstly, let's address the matter of age. We get the impression that you were talking down to us as a young 70-year-old republic. The key word here is republic, something that still eludes you as you cling to an archaic monarchy and try to pass it off as a national quirk rather than the medieval anachronism that it is.



And while we congratulate you on your efforts for abolishing hereditary peerage, which must have taken a lot of effort for a tired and aging monarchy, we take the opportunity to remind you that we do not have an unelected house of representatives despite being novices at this democracy gig. So in the words of a guy from our neighbourhood, who incidentally gave you your official religion, "why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

Now, back to this question of age. You are very proud of your naval tradition which your national identity is constructed upon in no small measure. Let us take this opportunity to remind you that while our ancestors were roaming the entire world in their magnificent ships, yours couldn't string two pieces of wood together to make a rudimentary raft.

We also find it hilarious that you are proud of your Houses of Parliament which are not even two hundred years old. We would be ashamed to show tourists anything that is two hundred years old. We have socks that are more than two hundred years old. And while your ancestors were struggling to put build a stone circle that you still regard in awe, we had built entire cities with elaborate stone buildings that were the wonder of the old world. And by old we mean old, not some knock-off from the 19th century.

We did appreciate your advice to us to renew our marriage vows, as you put it, and "to spend a moment reflecting on what you admire rather than what infuriates you about each other". Two words come to mind: Scottish independence. The mere mention of which has thrown your entire political class into turmoil as they struggle to find a reason for what Britain means today'. Again, sawdust, plank, eye. That Jesus was a wise man.

Incidentally, we both know that he wasn't the only man from our neighbourhood that you appropriated as your own, a certain St George comes to mind. You made him your patron saint and a national symbol, despite the fact that if he were to show at one of your embassies today he wouldn't get a visa to visit Britain. Now that's irony for you.

You say: "your politics are dynamic on the surface. Yet broken and paralysed beneath it." Now we both know that your politics are equally dysfunctional but you can't even produce the surface appearance of dynamism as your political class now consists entirely of identical plastic clones that are lacking in both substance and principles. Now to be fair all white guys look the same to us, but seriously look at Cameron, Miliband and that other one. May we suggest dressing them in football shirts with the names on the back?

Speaking of football, we want to take the opportunity to congratulate you on your fighting spirit on the football pitch despite the fact that you haven't come anywhere near a trophy for decades. And in a game that you invented, no less. To be beaten by the German B-team and right in Wembley! It takes courage to face the world again the next day. And it takes even more courage not to view this as a symbol of your national decline and general slide into irrelevance. Did we get the patronising tone right? We were trying to copy your letter, you see English isn't our first language. (Around here people speak more than one language.)

You closed your letter to us by suggesting that 70 is too young to retire. We're not quite sure what your age is but you're certainly past the retirement age. Stop pretending to be a world power, nobody buys it anymore. It's time that you downsized, bought a cottage in the countryside and spent your time looking at old photo albums. A sure sign is when old folks start giving unsolicited advice to strangers.

Yours affectionately,

Lebanon

Ps. We didn't mention dentistry out of tact, but seriously what's with English teeth? Here's our unsolicited advice to you: brush and floss daily. (That's for the botox remark.)