Am I talking balls?

[Paul Rigby]

Sounds like it must be some sort of endurance test. No wonder he wanted to be near some liquid refreshments and a good pub meal. And I used to think English pubs were so quaint and lovely places. Unlike the Australian troughs. Not so sure now...

Dens of iniquity with the appalling exception of gastropubs. In the latter, no one is ever likely to sidle up to at the bar & slip you a bag full of readies under the mistaken assumption that you are manager of an English football team. This long & noble tradition thus faces extinction at the hands of bearded puritans & their ludicrous concentration on inessentials. I weep for Olde England.

[Magda Hassan]

...gastropubs...

Sounds like some awful condition one gets from eating the food in pubs with dodgy hygiene standards.

[Paul Rigby]

...gastropubs...

Sounds like some awful condition one gets from eating the food in pubs with dodgy hygiene standards.

Ironically, nothing could be further from the truth. The modern British pub is a hell-hole of fresh, nutritious grub, a bewildering choice of interesting drinks, hygienic toilets with running water, and disagreeably helpful staff. I could weep. Gone are the glorious days of cigarette smog, excessive flatulence, dodgy geezers flogging your neighbours belongings or small bags of revivifying herbal powders, and much better fights than you ever saw on the telly. The world is much the poorer for the passing.

[Magda Hassan]

...gastropubs...

Sounds like some awful condition one gets from eating the food in pubs with dodgy hygiene standards.

Ironically, nothing could be further from the truth. The modern British pub is a hell-hole of fresh, nutritious grub, a bewildering choice of interesting drinks, hygienic toilets with running water, and disagreeably helpful staff. I could weep. Gone are the glorious days of cigarette smog, excessive flatulence, dodgy geezers flogging your neighbours belongings or small bags of revivifying herbal powders, and much better fights than you ever saw on the telly. The world is much the poorer for the passing.

[Paul Rigby]

...gastropubs...

Sounds like some awful condition one gets from eating the food in pubs with dodgy hygiene standards.

Ironically, nothing could be further from the truth. The modern British pub is a hell-hole of fresh, nutritious grub, a bewildering choice of interesting drinks, hygienic toilets with running water, and disagreeably helpful staff. I could weep. Gone are the glorious days of cigarette smog, excessive flatulence, dodgy geezers flogging your neighbours belongings or small bags of revivifying herbal powders, and much better fights than you ever saw on the telly. The world is much the poorer for the passing.

Jeffrey Bernard is unwell

[Paul Rigby]

In the words of Carly Simon, Nobody does it better/Makes me feel sad for the rest/Nobody does it half as good as you/Baby, you're the best.

Yes, let me extend a warm welcome within this thread to the Foreign Office, arguably the ghastliest organisation on earth, in the form of a press release.

Here are some seriously engorged balls:

UK welcomes initial report into airstrike on funeral hall in Yemen

From:Foreign & Commonwealth Office and Tobias Ellwood MP
First published:15 October 2016
Part of:Yemen

The UK welcomes the release of the initial investigation into reports of an airstrike hitting a funeral hall in Sana'a, Yemen on 8 October

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/uk-we...l-in-yemen

Here are the major findings:

• The Houthis cynically moved the funeral hall and its occupants directly into the path of the falling bombs, which were precision instruments launched against an Iranian death ray
  
• It is imperative that the UK sells even more arms, at incredibly inflated prices, to the Saudis
  
• There is, with any luck, no military solution to the war in Yemen, unlike in Syria, where the complete triumph of the CIA's Islamic Contras would solve everything
  
• Only agents of the Kremlin refuse to take seriously the Saudi report into the Saudi atrocity
  

Sir Herbert Tooth last night praised the FO for refusing to be intimidated by an unholy alliance of anti-semitic, homophobic, and misogynistic Corbynista-Trumpers who have objected to Saudi Arabia's invasion of Yemen, and its war against the country's civilian population. "There's some serious moolah to be earned here from the No 1 camel jockey," he insisted, adding "and anyone who threatens to get in the way of this nice little earner should be smeared, fitted up or assassinated as a matter of urgency. And don't forget to vote for the lesbian in November."

[Magda Hassan]

Carly Simon wrote some good songs. Including the above one which is perfectly suitable for this election cycle. However, strangely, she has allowed her 'You're so Vain' to be used by the Democrats supposedly as an anti Trump theme. But I could be wrong...

[Lauren Johnson]

Ironically, nothing could be further from the truth. The modern British pub is a hell-hole of fresh, nutritious grub, a bewildering choice of interesting drinks, hygienic toilets with running water, and disagreeably helpful staff. I could weep. Gone are the glorious days of cigarette smog, excessive flatulence, dodgy geezers flogging your neighbours belongings or small bags of revivifying herbal powders, and much better fights than you ever saw on the telly. The world is much the poorer for the passing.

::coffeesplutter::::

[Paul Rigby]

Sir Herbert Tooth last night praised the FO for refusing to be intimidated by an unholy alliance of anti-semitic, homophobic, and misogynistic Corbynista-Trumpers who have objected to Saudi Arabia's invasion of Yemen, and its war against the country's civilian population. "There's some serious moolah to be earned here from the No 1 camel jockey," he insisted, adding "and anyone who threatens to get in the way of this nice little earner should be smeared, fitted up or assassinated as a matter of urgency. And don't forget to vote for the lesbian in November."

London-based readers may be interested to learn that Sir Herbert has plans tonight, according to his twitter feed (#TheToothSeeker), for a nocturnal protest outside the Russian embassy in support of the heroic freedom fighters holed up in East Whereveritis in Syria.

"I shall be waving my white helmet at Boris in Kensington Palace Gardens after a snifter or three in Notting Hill," he promised.

[David Guyatt]

Here are the major findings:

• The Houthis cynically moved the funeral hall and its occupants directly into the path of the falling bombs, which were precision instruments launched against an Iranian death ray
  
• It is imperative that the UK sells even more arms, at incredibly inflated prices, to the Saudis
  
• There is, with any luck, no military solution to the war in Yemen, unlike in Syria, where the complete triumph of the CIA's Islamic Contras would solve everything
  
• Only agents of the Kremlin refuse to take seriously the Saudi report into the Saudi atrocity
  

Dear sir,

Typically ignorant bloody terrorists! It's bloody impossible to drop a bomb in anger these days, without innocents throwing themselves beneath the damn bloody things, just so they can hinder the legal and moral right of Her Majesty's government to graciously issue export licenses for the much needed and sought after products of leading British export companies intent on the scientific transmutation of turning useless sand into glass for the betterment of mankind and the furtherance of glass-makers everywhere.

In frustration,
Hugh Winkletoe, Resident Bar Polisher, The Royal Oak Hotel, Wivenhoe.