13-05-2009, 12:05 PM
A Party Political Broadcast on behalf of the All Britain Parliamentary Expenses Party.
ABEP are astounded at the recent news about MP’s dodgy expenses. Tens of thousands of pounds of taxpayers money being spent on cleaning swimming pools, repairing tennis courts, decorating country mansions and castles, paying for mortgages on third homes, the cost of paying tax default summons and other life-style maintenance is absolutely essential.
These are fair and reasonable costs and are not “fripperies” or scams as has been alleged in certain quarters. MP’s have a very stressful and arduous job. Four days a week, from Monday to Thursday, for a whopping seven months a year we toil, toil, toil. On Fridays we attend to our Constituents needs, or at least those we cannot palm off on our well paid staff. Then it’s off to the local Golf Course for nine holes followed by a liquid lunch, followed by an afternoon nap.
Our workday during the week is exhausting. Typically, we arrive in Parliament after a comfortable and indulgent lunch - not paid for by the taxpayer, but rather by honourable, committed businessmen and women seeking “assistance”. It is during thee lunch period that they very stressful job of negotiating the minutia of kick-backs are worked out.
Understandably fatigued, we then roll up at the House to vote on the issues of the day. If there are issues of the day. Usually there are not, so we usually head off to to Claridges or the Savoy for afternoon tea and some upstairs crumpet. Except for important Bills our voting requirement is organized by the Party Whips Office and because of “pairing” of our Opposite number, so there is no real need to be in the House at all.
It is in the evening when things begin to heat up. The House bars are open for business and it is here where Members assemble to assuage their thirst in pre-prandial drinking bouts and to share the latest lewd jokes, engage in banter and rumour-mongering and swapping hookers telephone numbers.
Then straight off to Dinner at one of the many Michelin starred eating establishments. After pre-dinner drinks, mains, puddings and several digestives, it’s back to the Club for cigars port wine.
By Eleven we hope to tucked up in bed. If, that is, we wrote the hookers telephone numbers down correctly and didn’t confuse them in our alcoholic haze with the Bookies number.
Such exceptional commitment in these trying circumstances require reward, and we are, therefore, sure that the great British public will entirely understand that the recent bout of newspaper stories have been disgraceful, sensational and sometimes not even accurate.
For example. Douglas Hogg did not have the moat of his castle cleaned, his stables mucked out or his grand peearno tuned at taxpayers expense. He purchased his castle, stables and grand peearno at taxpayers expense.
Such shoddy reporting is shocking and disgraceful and we feel sure that the British public will see through these shenanigins and tonics and agree that we MP’s of the All Britain Parliamentary Expense Party deserve no less than to be left alone to fleece our nests in peace and quiet.
Thank you.
ABEP are astounded at the recent news about MP’s dodgy expenses. Tens of thousands of pounds of taxpayers money being spent on cleaning swimming pools, repairing tennis courts, decorating country mansions and castles, paying for mortgages on third homes, the cost of paying tax default summons and other life-style maintenance is absolutely essential.
These are fair and reasonable costs and are not “fripperies” or scams as has been alleged in certain quarters. MP’s have a very stressful and arduous job. Four days a week, from Monday to Thursday, for a whopping seven months a year we toil, toil, toil. On Fridays we attend to our Constituents needs, or at least those we cannot palm off on our well paid staff. Then it’s off to the local Golf Course for nine holes followed by a liquid lunch, followed by an afternoon nap.
Our workday during the week is exhausting. Typically, we arrive in Parliament after a comfortable and indulgent lunch - not paid for by the taxpayer, but rather by honourable, committed businessmen and women seeking “assistance”. It is during thee lunch period that they very stressful job of negotiating the minutia of kick-backs are worked out.
Understandably fatigued, we then roll up at the House to vote on the issues of the day. If there are issues of the day. Usually there are not, so we usually head off to to Claridges or the Savoy for afternoon tea and some upstairs crumpet. Except for important Bills our voting requirement is organized by the Party Whips Office and because of “pairing” of our Opposite number, so there is no real need to be in the House at all.
It is in the evening when things begin to heat up. The House bars are open for business and it is here where Members assemble to assuage their thirst in pre-prandial drinking bouts and to share the latest lewd jokes, engage in banter and rumour-mongering and swapping hookers telephone numbers.
Then straight off to Dinner at one of the many Michelin starred eating establishments. After pre-dinner drinks, mains, puddings and several digestives, it’s back to the Club for cigars port wine.
By Eleven we hope to tucked up in bed. If, that is, we wrote the hookers telephone numbers down correctly and didn’t confuse them in our alcoholic haze with the Bookies number.
Such exceptional commitment in these trying circumstances require reward, and we are, therefore, sure that the great British public will entirely understand that the recent bout of newspaper stories have been disgraceful, sensational and sometimes not even accurate.
For example. Douglas Hogg did not have the moat of his castle cleaned, his stables mucked out or his grand peearno tuned at taxpayers expense. He purchased his castle, stables and grand peearno at taxpayers expense.
Such shoddy reporting is shocking and disgraceful and we feel sure that the British public will see through these shenanigins and tonics and agree that we MP’s of the All Britain Parliamentary Expense Party deserve no less than to be left alone to fleece our nests in peace and quiet.
Thank you.
The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.
Carl Jung - Aion (1951). CW 9, Part II: P.14