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Lightbulbs are just for starters.
#1
The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.



As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded

that English spelling had some room for improvement and have accepted a

five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro English (Euro for

short).



In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,

sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be

replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters

kan have one less letter.



There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the

troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words such as

fotograf" 20% shorter.



In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be

expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go.



By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"

by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "O" kan be dropd

from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to

ozer kombinations of leters.



Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze

forst plas...



Auf wiedersehen
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