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Sum phun
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17-02-2009, 05:33 AM
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes. 
17-02-2009, 03:30 PM
A teacher asks the class: "when you die what part of your body goes to heaven first."
A pupil thinks about it then replies "your feet". Teacher: "why do you say that?" Pupil: "last night I saw my mum and dad in their bedroom and mum had her feet in the air and was screaming "God, I'm coming!" The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge. Carl Jung - Aion (1951). CW 9, Part II: P.14
17-02-2009, 04:08 PM
Okay, let's see how far we can take this:
What's the difference between an arrogant rooster and a shyster attorney? The arrogant rooster clucks defiance ... What's the difference between a three-ring circus and a pimp? The three-ring circus has a cunning array of stunts ... What's the difference between an epileptic clam picker and a whore with diarrhea? The epileptic clam picker shucks between fits ...
17-02-2009, 07:11 PM
A sweet little old lady who recently lost her husband decided to purchase a pet to keep her company. She walked down to the local pet store to see all the nice doggies and kitties. They all seemed very nice but the pet that caught her eye was a beautiful red parrot sitting on a perch at the rear of the store.
She found the salesman and inquired about the bird. Oh, lady, you don't want that bird. I bought him from an old sea merchant who has taught that bird every dirty word you can imagine. The lady didn't budge and decided she could take him home and make a changed bird out of him in no time. Against the advice of the clerk, she happily walked home with her new pet. They had not been in the house five minutes before the old bird let out a string of profanities a mile long. The little old lady slapped his beak and stuck him in the freezer for five minutes. When she removed him and sat him on his perch he looked at her and said "shit! it's cold in there! She didn't say a word but smacked him even harder on the beak and placed him back in the freezer for fifteen minutes. When she removed him from the freezer, he sat stiff and stunned for a few minutes. Finally, he looked at the lady and said "dammit are trying to kill me?" The little lady decided this bird was more stubborn than she had thought and smacked him several times on the beak, snatched him up and threw him back into the freezer. This time she let him remain there for forty five minutes. This time when she removed him from the freezer, he was stiff, frost covered, shivering and speechless. She was really beginning to worry and just as she was about to rush him to the vet the old bird turned and asked very softly if he could ask just one question. The old lady was so relieved and replied he could ask any question he wanted. His eyes got large, he looked at her and then looked at the freezer and shouted "WHAT THE HELL DID THAT POOR TURKEY IN THERE SAY?":captain:
17-02-2009, 07:14 PM
A horse walked into a saloon and sat down at the bar. The bartender walked over and said "why the long face?"
![[Image: icon10.gif]](http://www.deeppoliticsforum.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif){kind=icon}
17-02-2009, 08:08 PM
An African-American gentleman is enjoying his first trip to Manhattan when he stops a life-long New Yorker and asks, "Do you know how to get to Carnegie Hall."
The New Yorker says, "You're a block past it." The African-American snaps, "What did you call me?"
17-02-2009, 08:13 PM
A snail walks into a bank to make a deposit. Then a turtle comes in and robs the bank. Afterward, the police are interviewing the snail and asks him to recount what had happened. The snail says, "I don't know, it all happened so fast." :rofl:
17-02-2009, 08:18 PM
Amish Drive-by Shooting:
Clip..clop...clip..clop... bang, bang... clipity clop clipity clop clipity clop:ridinghorse:
17-02-2009, 08:19 PM
Kate Story Wrote:A snail walks into a bank to make a deposit. Then a turtle comes in and robs the bank. Afterward, the police are interviewing the snail and asks him to recount what had happened. The snail says, "I don't know, it all happened so fast." :rofl: Variation: What did the snail say as he rode the turtle's back? WHEEEEE! OR A snail knocks on a guy's door and asks him if he has anything to eat. The guy says no, returns to his chair, but the snail knocks again. By the fifth time the guy has had enouch and he picks up the snail and throws him across the lawn. Two weeks later there's a knock at the door. It's the snail, who says, "What did you do that for?" OR Two government workers are standing on a streetcorner having a chat when one of them suddenly looks down, sees a snail at his feet, and stomps it to pieces. His friend is shocked and asks, "Why did you do that?" And the other government worker says, "That jerk has been following me around all day."
17-02-2009, 08:22 PM
Johnny Carson's favorite joke:
In the deepest, darkest part of the jungle is an immesne swamp. It is the hottest day in a century, steam rises from the fetid water and dying lilly pads. The calls of makaws and monkeys barely penetrate the sodden air. Slowly, in the middle of the swamp, rise the heads of two immense hippos. Only their eyes and nostrils are visible as they part the rotting vegetation. And one hippo turns to the other and says, "I can't get it through my head that it's Tuesday." |
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